Is committing suicide the solution?

When it feels like committing suicide is the answer, what is the question?
You might think the question is, “How can I stand what I have to deal with? There is no way out of my hopeless situation!”

Your question is important.
It means the solutions you have found aren’t good enough.
But, that doesn’t mean that there are no other solutions,
and it doesn’t mean that the solutions you discover won’t feel good to you, in the near future.
They will; that’s the beauty of a solution.

If the question is, how can I continue living such a hopeless life?
The old answer is, you can’t.
But the new answer is, you can find a way to create a completely different life, right here, right now, in the middle of the old situation.

When you want a really new life, with new outcomes and new people, one of the things you want is a way to feel strong in the midst of uncertainty. You have recognized that the old thoughts and ways of doing things create one dead end after another. Your question means that when you look out over your life honestly, you see that the way you have lived until now feels like it got you nowhere.

This could mean that you want something more powerful to live for, to work for, something that will open you up to a future you can embrace.

That’s good news. That means that you are ready to outgrow what has been defeating you.

How can you outgrow what defeats you? That’s the new answer to the old question, “how can I stand what I have to deal with?” The answer is: outgrow what defeats you.

How? This is the beauty of a new answer, you will search it out, you will find answers, accept or reject them as you go, all the time, reaching into a bigger experience than the small dark space you are living in today.

Here are some more fruitful questions to consider as you evaluate your life and experience:

What good things do I deserve to live long enough to experience?

Who around me, cares about what matters to me?

If I decided I wanted to live a different kind of life, what sort of situations would I want to have in it?

These are great questions for anyone to ask. But they are potent questions if you are considering the meaning of your own life to ask, and at an important time.

Some possible answers you might discover as you turn these questions over in your mind: I deserve to live long enough to be someone I want to be. I deserve to figure out how to live well. I want to think of the future in a new way, as something I can form to fit my needs and circumstance. I can be in power over my own experience as the future opens before me. I have one or two people that will care how I feel, when I share my sadness with them. I will trust them to listen.

If I rebuilt my life on the ashes of the old one, what new things would it have in it?

In the long run, as you fruitfully consider the question, “how can I outgrow what defeats me?” open your heart to new answers.

In the short run, talk to someone intelligent and amazingly supportive at your local suicide hotline center. To find someone wise and compassionate and just a phone call away, click on this link:

Share your answers about how you learn to outgrow what defeats you, to help others working through the same important question. Become a part of the solution when you comment on this article.

To summarize: The question is, is committing suicide the solution? When it feels like killing yourself is the answer, ask yourself, what is my real question? When you find the exact question, you are going to have new answers.

Search out the bigger questions of your life, they will expand your mind and show you new paths you can walk, beginning in this moment, now. Finding bigger questions and bigger answers will lift you out of your present darkness.

I have faith that your new answers will make you bigger than the problems you face.

7 Responses to Is committing suicide the solution?

  1. tiana says:

    life is so boring and im going through alot of things in my life that is not really suppose to happen? what am i suppose to do with everything that is going on right now/

  2. Anafiel says:

    I think I need help. I keep thinking about suicide. My wife left me, I am unable to find or even seek employment, I hate my life and my situation and my world and myself. I want it all to stop, I hate that I have nothing to show for my life. I am going mad with grief and shame.

    • glenda says:

      Dear Anafiel,

      Things sound hard for you. Ouch! I’m sorry it hurts so much.

      But–is it really true you have nothing to show for your life?
      Yes, the external markers of success don’t belong to you.
      But what have you discovered, learned or transformed inside yourself while you’ve just been living life?
      While you’ve been alive,have you learned patience, resilience, or how to care for the needs of others? Have you learned flexibility? Have you discovered what you’re good at?
      Have you thought that maybe you’ve been trying to succeed at doing what others want you to do, or in ways they’ve told you that you ‘should’ succeed?

      Your so-called failure might be a sign that you’ve been directing your life in a direction your soul doesn’t want to go. So I ask you: what does your soul want?

      What dreams do you have, that you’ve been putting off while you tried to succeed in the usual, typical ways?

      Have you thought of moving to a new town and starting over? Going back to school to study something you love–not what you’re supposed to study? Have you considered cutting toxic, defeating people out of your life so they don’t continue to undermine you? Have you thought about working in a service community for a time as a full time volunteer?

      There are many ways to give back that will help you find yourself, redirect your sense of what your life is ‘supposed’ to mean, and open up the wonderful new future that’s just waiting for you. Your new future is just waiting for you to think differently enough to find it.

      Virtual hugs,

  3. Alex! :) says:

    Oh my God… I feel so motivated now! I can’t believe it! I feel like I wanna do so much stuff! Wow, there’s motivation! I’m in your debt, Mr. Avniel! :)

  4. Andy says:

    I don’t think there’s much point in me living. I’m in high school and I’m practically the most invisible person in on the campus. I wonder if anyone would notice I’m gone. The only reason I stay alive is to not hurt my mother, because she’ll be sad and she’ll have even worse finance issues. Everyone else in my family torments me in ways only I find hurtful, because to them it’s completely normal. The vibe I get from everyone at school is indeed, “Kill yourself, you’re of no use.” As the years went on (I started having these thoughts in 7th grade), that “statement” became more and more true. Just because I’m poor and don’t have the nice things that the other kids have.
    I actually tried getting support before but usually a troll or an admin/bot answers me to just get more help. Where? Where do I get it? Where’s the support that everyone else gets when they post about their suicidal thoughts? Not trying to be the center of the spotlight, but it’d be nice for once in my life, have myself stand out, other than being trash.
    I’ve lost all hope. There’s so much more on my mind but I don’t see a point in further explaining. If it wasn’t for my mom I would kill myself (whether it’d be painless or not) without hesitation.

    • Glenda says:

      Dear Andy,

      Life can be challenging for anyone, and many of us go through ‘slumps’ that we don’t tell anyone else about. I know that school is hard and that the other kids can be brutal. But if you are to survive, you’ll have to learn to turn your attention away from your misery. It’s simply true that the more you focus on discomfort, the more uncomfortable and even intolerable your life will be.

      Feeling better today and on any future day, will be a function of your own choices. Most people are too mired in their own discontent to pay any meaningful attention to those around them, no matter how great the need of those others.

      Also you cannot rely on others to understand you. You cannot rely on them to support your needs, relate to your perspective, or even to give you supportive feedback.

      Understand that your hopelessness is a learned psychological behavior, and the only remedy for it is to take control of your thoughts; your mental state, and eventually, your own mood. For now, start by taking control of your attention and where it is pointed.

      Don’t count on others for approval–instead, make it your deliberate habit to give continual approval and support to yourself–for no reason, and as often as you can.

      Many people, including perhaps the people you’ve described, live in survival consciousness. They are interested only in what makes them feel better (usually temporarily). Most people react in self-absorbed and short-sighted ways, with a continual heedlessness about what would be good for someone else who is suffering without making a scene. (This is my impression of your response to your internal pain.)

      Instead of giving up on your life, give up on waiting for others to ‘get’ you, to provide supportive understanding, and to care about you on your own behalf.

      Survival under pressure is a spiritual and psychological skill. It is a learned behavior, the same as transforming hopelessness into something which will take you in a more helpful direction. Steer your attention and put it on things which help you feel better. Do this daily and in every hour.

      Eventually when you feel better, people who feel better too will show up to provide you with actual and true spiritual and psychological support. You can make it. It will be worth the struggle and the re-learning curve. You matter!

      Virtual hugs,

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