We’ve heard the story that Cobain had everything. Money, runaway success, outrageous fame, the applause of millions of fans. Yet, he committed suicide right in the middle of all that skyrocketing success. If he really had everything he could ever want, everything that anyone could possibly want, what went wrong? How could he have thrown it all aside as if it meant less than nothing to him?
Sometimes when you are depressed, you might be tempted to think that if you had the approval of the important people in your life, everything would turn around and go the way you want it to go. If your boss, who is always getting on your case, could only show a little appreciation! If only your mother could get off your back and stop criticizing you all the time. If only your partner would give you the benefit of the doubt, and show unconditional loving support for your needs and feelings, then everything would go the way it’s supposed to, right? The lack of support you are feeling from other people is really what makes life so miserable, right?
Kobain’s case shows us the truth that outer success of any kind, even if it includes the support of those around us, is not enough to make life worth living.
Let’s take a look at why that’s true.
Kobain was tormented by his own inner demons. Yes, what others did affected him, probably making the pressure from those inner demons even more intense. But if anyone ever had a supportive fan base, as well as the power to purchase anything money could buy, including the approval and even adulation of others, Kobain would be the perfect poster child for what money and influence can hand you on a silver platter.
Apparently though, it can’t hand you nearly enough. So, what was Kobain lacking on the inside, so much so that his inner demons caught up with him and destroyed him? He was deep in the throes of an addiction drama at the time of his death, going through heroin withdrawal at a rehab center, which probably made him feel more miserable than he would otherwise have felt. But that on its own is not enough to explain his unfortunate self-destruction.
Why does anyone actually act on the wish to kill himself? Why does anyone push suicidal thoughts through to a self-annihilating outcome?
Are you clear on why you sometimes experience the wish to die? The likely answer is that you don’t feel powerful enough to live the way you want to. And that situation is just too miserable to endure.
Too much of the time, you may end up feeling powerless and restricted no matter which way you try to go, or how hard you try to get things to turn out as you planned. You may feel that other people get the lucky breaks that you deserve, and that the good things that by rights should come to you, instead end up in someone else’s life. It’s even worse if you have painful memories of trauma or regrets about things you did that you wish you hadn’t done. Yes, that kind of experience can be a hellhole.
Living in a hellhole is a pretty tough way to live. Feeling thwarted and undermined every which way you go can be overwhelming, painful, even agonizing. But that kind of situation can be turned around, and fixed by solutions that are easier to find than you think.
The simplest way to turn around the sensation that your life is hell, is to discover the path to inner power. We can help you to gain the skills that will give you the ability to feel the way you want to, so you can make things happen in a way that brings you happiness and success. Inner power includes the wonderful experience of feeling bonded to others, knowing that they care about you in a way that is nourishing instead of toxic. It’s the power to get good things coming into your life, so you feel your time and energy can be invested to bring about the outcomes you really want.
This is not the kind of power that you can buy, or that you can summon into your experience because others support you. External support cannot fill up the inner holes in your happiness. No one else can make you into something that you’re not. They can’t fix you, even when they love you.
If you are not strong enough on the inside, you could someday end up like Curt Kobain. Real inner power comes from taking actions that will bring you satisfaction, and fulfill your deepest desires. Personal power comes from a series of skills that can be learned, and those skills can save your life.
The solution to the haunting problem of suicide is inner self-development, opening up resources that can help you triumph in new and exciting ways. We can direct you on your way. Visit our other pages and posts on mysuicidalthoughts.com.
- Glenda on How Can I Overcome Suicidal Thoughts?
- Maddi on How Can I Overcome Suicidal Thoughts?
- Glenda on Why am I having suicidal thoughts?
- Macnair Sawicki on Why am I having suicidal thoughts?
- Bella on should I stay alive, or should I choose to commit suicide?